If You Have Your Ducks in a Row…This One Isn’t For You

“I want to learn how to get up.”

That’s what my client, Linda, said in her first session with me, when life rose up and grabbed her by the throat and made her believe she wasn’t doing enough. And so, in our work together, that became our starting point.

I hear similar messages all the time. I meet with people who feel lost inside their own life. I coach people of all ages, but most of the time I meet with people who have lived long enough to recognize that their rhythms and routines aren’t working. They come to me when life gets overwhelming or unsustainable, and they’re feeling lost, stuck, or unmotivated. They say things like:

“I don’t even know how I got here.”
“I’m physically and emotionally drained.”
“I should be farther along than this.”
“I just want to be happy.”
“Is this all there is?”

And they ask, “Is it too late to make a change?”

Listen: I understand. I too have lived long enough to see how relentless and difficult life can be. If you’re experiencing something like Linda did when she walked in my door that first week, you’re not crazy. You’re not fundamentally flawed. You’re human, living the human experience.

I know you’re lonely. I know you’re overwhelmed. I know you feel disconnected from yourself, from those you love, and from the life you want to live. I know you’re scared this is all there is, or that things won’t get better, or that it’s too late and too far gone too start.

Imagine me coming in with a steaming cup of mint tea or an iced coffee and setting it on the table in front of you, while I offer you a listening ear, unwavering support, and non-judgmental presence. Imagine me saying the beautiful words of Sylvia Boorstein: "Sweetheart, you’re in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let’s pay attention to what is happening; then we’ll figure out what to do."

This is what a typical coaching session with me feels like. Because those are the things that are going to help us lay down our armor and begin to do our work.

If you resonate with these statements that many of my clients make, let me offer you a couple of practical tools to help you begin to see your way forward.

First (and don’t skim over this because you already know - but hear me say: It’s ok to not be ok.

If you’re a professional, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a doctor, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a mom, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a teacher, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a minister, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re generally a happy person, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you have no reason to be sad, it’s ok to not be ok.

You do not have to hold the whole world together. It’s ok.

Second, let’s start here: Take care of your basic needs. Why? Because it lays the foundation - we can’t do transformative work when we’re sleep deprived, or we haven’t eaten since yesterday, or we feel like we’re invisible. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential. 

Then: reconnect with what matters. Go outside. Move your body, gently - in a way that feels good. Call a friend and tell them you need them. Drink a tall glass of water. 

Next, just stop. Get alone, get quiet, and get still. Breathe. Let the emotions come. What is there? Is it sadness? Shame? Anger? Grief? It’s ok – I PROMISE it won’t overtake you. Stop hustling and start listening. See what comes up. Give it its moment - it’ll speak, then it’ll recede. Breathe.

Now, you can begin to make a plan. 

What’s the hardest thing that’s happening right now? Name it.

What are your fears? Write them out. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling; just free write what’s on your mind. Get it on paper. When you put it on paper and get it out of your spinning brain, it all feels more manageable. 

Now, ask yourself: What is one little thing I can do to move this thing forward? What is my next best step? Give yourself a task, an action step, a direction. Make it small, relevant, specific. Give yourself a deadline. I will email my child’s teacher during my lunch break. Or, I will set a meeting with my boss before I leave work today.

Finally, turn your attention inward. Close your eyes. Notice your breath. Is it shallow? Can you make it go a bit deeper, into your abdomen? Can you release the tension in your forehead, drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth, loosen the tightness in your jaw? Mentally take the weight off your shoulders, like you’re putting a heavy backpack down onto the ground. Breathe. Stay right here for as long as it feels supportive. 

This is the type of work I do in my coaching practice. I created The Perennial Growth Path to help people just like you with struggles just like yours to find some space to process, find regulation, get support, and make real gains in their personal and professional lives. I offer the Perennial Growth Path in six or 12 sessions, and I have found it to be the most effective tool I’ve engaged in my personal life and in my coaching. 

That client I mentioned at the beginning? The one who said “I want to learn how to get up.”? At the end of that session, she said, “I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time.” She is still a client working with me today; she has taken brave steps toward health and wholeness, she made some significant changes in her life that were overdue, and today, she is confident, clear on the trajectory she wants for her life, and at peace. 

If you’re ready to come into your next season with clarity, purpose, and fulfillment, it’s your turn. I have coaching options curated to meet your needs and your season of life. All you have to do is email me at christi@perennialcoaching.com with the subject line “I’m ready to get up,” or click the button below. I’ll take it from there.

Come on in. Let’s journey together.

Why I ditched perfectionism.

I've given three presentation on the Enneagram and my coaching work in the last two weeks. When they know a presentation is coming up, my supportive and caring friends and family will ask, "How did it go?" I've learned to guage the success of a presentation not by how flawlessly it went, or how many glowing feedback forms I collected, or how many positive comments I received before I left the venue, or how engaged the participants seemed during the event. All of that is outside of my control.

I have a new metric now. One that is kind and serves me well for my future work. One that I have full agency for. One that demonstrates my values.

The new metric includes these questions:
>Was I prepared?
>Was I truly present?
>Did I show up authentically?


Previously, my mind wanted to critically pick apart my performance: Did I say 'ummm' too many times? I got lost in my notes those times - did I take too long to find my place? Did I speak too quickly or too slowly? Did my hair stay in place? Did the back of my necklace slip around to the front? Did I answer the Q&R time skillfully, or did I fumble a bit? Did I do that weird thing with my mouth?

It's so easy to be harsh with ourselves after a major project that we care about, isn't it? But that's just it - our self-judgment and critical eye show how much we care and how deeply we are invested.

Let's lean into that, and extend a little care to ourselves. We're not perfect, and that's not a problem to be solved. It's not fair to expect perfection of ourselves. We get to be beginners; learners; students of our craft; and people committed to growth - even if we're 20 years in. We get to learn a better way, then do it differently on another day.

Here's to the baby steps and the awkward new beginnings - Cheers! 🥂 Let's count it all, every wobbly attempt. How absolutely charming of us! We're doing the thing! What could be a better use of our breath and resources in this one wild and precious life that we get to live? 👏 💫

The NOURISHED Method for Self-Care

Sometimes, in coaching, I sit with someone who is simply TAPPED OUT. Life seems to be fighting against them - and winning. They're overwhelmed, overstimulated, anxious, and exhausted. They can’t get out of their own way. It’s interfering with their life, work, and relationships. It’s so. damn. hard.

I have been there. Life can be that way.

In these moments, I tell them: You're overwhelmed because this is overwhelming. You're exhausted because this is exhausting. What you're feeling is real. And there are tools to help - even in the hardest moments.

But first.

We have to establish a baseline. We can explore limiting beliefs, defense mechanisms, subconscious motivations, and goals—but none of that sticks if the system isn’t regulated. We must first calm the body, brain, and emotions.

Here's where The NOURISHED Method for Self-Regulation enters the chat.

N – Nutrition (Food) 🍎 – When’s the last time you ate real food? Fuel yourself with simple, nourishing ingredients. Listen to your body's cues: eat when you're hungry; stop when you're satisfied.

O – Outdoors (Nature) 🌿 – Step outside, even if it’s raining. Feel the sun on your face, breathe fresh air, listen to birds or rustling leaves. Nature is medicine.

U – Us (Community) 👥 – Connect. Look someone in the eye, give a hug, make a phone call, meet for coffee. Be honest about where you're at. Be seen. Let others in.

R – Rest (Sleep) 🌙 – Prioritize sleep. Darken your room as much as possible and lower the temperature in your room. Sometimes the best plan is: “I’ll put myself to bed and look at this tomorrow.”

I – Interrupt Screen Time 📱 – Put the phone down. Close the laptop. Look out the window, read a book, meditate, go for a run. Your brain needs a break.

S – Self-care 💖 – Tune in. Ask yourself: What do I need right now? Listen for the answer; your body knows. We care so much for others, and that's good, but be sure to keep yourself in the rotation.

H – Hydrate (Water) 💧 – When’s the last time you drank a full bottle of water? Refill the Stanley, purpose to drink it within an hour, then fill it again. Dehydration is a mood killer. Aim for 75 oz/day, but start with two bottles per day if your personal mantra is "Diet Coke is my hydration."

E – Exercise (Movement) 🚴‍♂️ – Science tells us that moving your big muscles (by walking, for example) or doing mindfulness techniques like Yoga are known stress-reducers. When we're outside our Window of Tolerance (thank you Aundi Kolber), just a short walk can help bring us to regulation.

D – Deepen the Breath 🌬️ – Breathing is free of charge, available at any time, and is discreet to engage. It regulates emotions, reduces stress, and helps you recharge.

When we take care of the basics, we create space for deeper work and lasting transformation.

Take good care and be well, friends. You’re worth it. 💛

Your One Wild and Precious Boundary

Hot take: Self care is not selfish.

Many of us received a message that taking care of ourselves is self-indulgent, selfish, or inappropriate; that there’s some virtue to disconnecting from our own needs, wants, and priorities.

I’m calling BS.

On the contrary, when we’re taking care of ourselves, when we’re attending to our emotional and physical needs, when we’re being honest about our strengths and shortcomings, when we allow ourselves rest – not as a reward, but as a regular practice – then we actually can be prepared to meet the demands of this world and the needs of others in a healthy, altruistic, and generous way. And we’re doing it from a balanced, centered, grounded place. The fruit of this giving is good. It’s free of unspoken expectations. We’re not leaking our anger out sideways. It’s not resentful, martyred, or secretly looking for kickback.

When we’re attuning to self, we have clarity on our own wants and needs; we are free from the winds of everyone else’s preferences pulling us this way and that. Our yes means yes; our no means no. And we can, in fact, say no. Because when we can say no, then our yes has more meaning. People don’t have to wonder if we really want to do the thing; because if we didn’t want to do the thing, we wouldn’t do it. Imagine that.

What comes up for you as I say that? What do you notice in your body as you imagine living this way? Resistance? Relief? Reservation? Fear? Does it feel hopeful? Impossible?

Here’s the saving grace: you can start small. You can tell one trusted friend who is all in for you that you’re practicing saying yes or saying no, and meaning it, and you can enlist her help and support. Borrow her courage, if you have to. Practice small, with safe people. Practice offering an actual opinion when someone asks what restaurant to visit or what movie to see. Practice saying no to one request this week. (You don’t have to have a reason. I know. But you don’t.) Practice not texting someone back right away, even if you can read their insistence in their tone.

Breathe.

Practice.

You’re ok.

Start small. This isn’t a race; it’s ok to try, and try again. It’s ok to miss the mark and get it wrong and have to start again.

You’ve got this. You’re worth it. You’re free. Open the little cage door and spread your wings. It’s not selfish to live the life you were meant to live, unencumbered by stale messaging from your youth.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” -Mary Oliver

Small Beginnings: The Gifts That are Found Within Our Liminal Spaces and Slow Starts

It started with a question: What’s next for me?  

Our youngest would be graduating high school in May, off to college that August. The past 20 years of career on pause - my choice - to prioritize my work around raising our kids, homeschooling, and soccer schedules. It’s a time I wouldn’t trade or change for the world – I loved having a front seat to the stages of their development and growth. All I ever wanted to be was a mom. But now that long season, with all its ups and downs and familiarities is over – and it leaves me asking, What’s next for me?

I had my bachelor’s in Biblical Counseling – that’s a bit of a dead end, these decades later, because the opportunities that that particular degree opens up for me are not ones I’m currently pursuing – faith has a way of evolving over two decades, I have found. That degree did provide me a valuable touchpoint, however – it shows that although I left high school wanting to become a teacher (and I did, in many forms) – my heart has always been to come alongside others, witness their pain, and help them create something new.

That liminal space holds challenges and unknowns, too – my 80 year old, legally blind mother-in-law was moving in with us in the Spring, to an apartment we converted from our garage space. Our youngest was leaving the nest. Covid hit in mid-March – and everything in our day-to-day, as we had come to expect it, had changed.

So launching my coaching business happened with much trepidation, many unknowns, and an unwavering belief that this was mine to do. At that time, I knew more what I didn’t want to do than what I did. That felt messy, but it turns out, it was enough.

What I did was, focus on the next thing in front of me.

I had conversations with people in the field and in field adjacent; I talked to my therapist, spiritual advisor, mentors, and friends; I researched and read and sought and drilled down. I took the next class or workshop or course module. I earned the certification(s). I developed the website – all by myself! Not a tech person! Not good with computers! But I made bffs with the good people on the customer service line, and I saw that thing through.

I coached clients, at the beginning, for free. I built every piece of my scope, my practice, my method, my approach, my dream. I created documents and social media posts and website copy and blogs. And I’m still building it. Next month I plan to launch my first online course - another milestone that I never saw from the starting line. It was around the bend, and I hadn’t gotten there yet.

Don’t despise small beginnings, friends. Sometimes they’re the very stepping stones down the long and winding path that will take you to the place that your heart has desired all along.

We know the stories: The executive who started in the mail room. The filmmakers who started out making home movies as kids with their siblings and neighborhood friends. The entry-level intern who eventually owns the company.           

Do you know how comedians form their act? They bring their wobbly jokes and awkward stories to their audience. They see what gets the laughs, what works, what hits. But inherently, this means that they endure what doesn’t get the laugh, what doesn’t work and isn’t a hit. From there, they go back to the cutting room floor. They write, they rewrite, they try out new phrasing, they hone. And they try it again.

This is the dance.

What about you? What drives you? What lights you up? Where does your passion lie? What has been enduring in your life, no matter what season you’ve been in? What’s your next best step? What’s one thing you can do to move you one inch closer to the dream?

If you falter, it’s ok! If you take a class you don’t end up needing, or take an extra semester (or three years) to finish up your degree, or if you launch your website and get crickets, count it as good. It all belongs. There’s a gift in there somewhere, even in the worst circumstances, if you calm down and take a breath and look for it. We don’t expect perfection out of the gate. We are kinder to ourselves than that. We don’t expect babies learning to walk to get up and sprint. We expect a few falls. It’s ok; they’re brand new. You’re brand new. So be new.  

Sometimes we do it scared, with trembling and uncertainties and a few tears. That’s ok too. Those things show how much you care. So do it scared, with a tear in your eye and with a tremble in your hand.

The acorn looks up at mighty oak – and it knows it’s meant for greatness. But it gets there as we all do, one baby step, one season at a time.

What will you create with the whole world out in front of you? I’d be honored to hear about it.

Go, you!

Baby steps. It all belongs.