If You Have Your Ducks in a Row…This One Isn’t For You

“I want to learn how to get up.”

That’s what my client, Linda, said in her first session with me, when life rose up and grabbed her by the throat and made her believe she wasn’t doing enough. And so, in our work together, that became our starting point.

I hear similar messages all the time. I meet with people who feel lost inside their own life. I coach people of all ages, but most of the time I meet with people who have lived long enough to recognize that their rhythms and routines aren’t working. They come to me when life gets overwhelming or unsustainable, and they’re feeling lost, stuck, or unmotivated. They say things like:

“I don’t even know how I got here.”
“I’m physically and emotionally drained.”
“I should be farther along than this.”
“I just want to be happy.”
“Is this all there is?”

And they ask, “Is it too late to make a change?”

Listen: I understand. I too have lived long enough to see how relentless and difficult life can be. If you’re experiencing something like Linda did when she walked in my door that first week, you’re not crazy. You’re not fundamentally flawed. You’re human, living the human experience.

I know you’re lonely. I know you’re overwhelmed. I know you feel disconnected from yourself, from those you love, and from the life you want to live. I know you’re scared this is all there is, or that things won’t get better, or that it’s too late and too far gone too start.

Imagine me coming in with a steaming cup of mint tea or an iced coffee and setting it on the table in front of you, while I offer you a listening ear, unwavering support, and non-judgmental presence. Imagine me saying the beautiful words of Sylvia Boorstein: "Sweetheart, you’re in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let’s pay attention to what is happening; then we’ll figure out what to do."

This is what a typical coaching session with me feels like. Because those are the things that are going to help us lay down our armor and begin to do our work.

If you resonate with these statements that many of my clients make, let me offer you a couple of practical tools to help you begin to see your way forward.

First (and don’t skim over this because you already know - but hear me say: It’s ok to not be ok.

If you’re a professional, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a doctor, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a mom, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a teacher, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re a minister, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you’re generally a happy person, it’s ok to not be ok.
If you have no reason to be sad, it’s ok to not be ok.

You do not have to hold the whole world together. It’s ok.

Second, let’s start here: Take care of your basic needs. Why? Because it lays the foundation - we can’t do transformative work when we’re sleep deprived, or we haven’t eaten since yesterday, or we feel like we’re invisible. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential. 

Then: reconnect with what matters. Go outside. Move your body, gently - in a way that feels good. Call a friend and tell them you need them. Drink a tall glass of water. 

Next, just stop. Get alone, get quiet, and get still. Breathe. Let the emotions come. What is there? Is it sadness? Shame? Anger? Grief? It’s ok – I PROMISE it won’t overtake you. Stop hustling and start listening. See what comes up. Give it its moment - it’ll speak, then it’ll recede. Breathe.

Now, you can begin to make a plan. 

What’s the hardest thing that’s happening right now? Name it.

What are your fears? Write them out. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling; just free write what’s on your mind. Get it on paper. When you put it on paper and get it out of your spinning brain, it all feels more manageable. 

Now, ask yourself: What is one little thing I can do to move this thing forward? What is my next best step? Give yourself a task, an action step, a direction. Make it small, relevant, specific. Give yourself a deadline. I will email my child’s teacher during my lunch break. Or, I will set a meeting with my boss before I leave work today.

Finally, turn your attention inward. Close your eyes. Notice your breath. Is it shallow? Can you make it go a bit deeper, into your abdomen? Can you release the tension in your forehead, drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth, loosen the tightness in your jaw? Mentally take the weight off your shoulders, like you’re putting a heavy backpack down onto the ground. Breathe. Stay right here for as long as it feels supportive. 

This is the type of work I do in my coaching practice. I created The Perennial Growth Path to help people just like you with struggles just like yours to find some space to process, find regulation, get support, and make real gains in their personal and professional lives. I offer the Perennial Growth Path in six or 12 sessions, and I have found it to be the most effective tool I’ve engaged in my personal life and in my coaching. 

That client I mentioned at the beginning? The one who said “I want to learn how to get up.”? At the end of that session, she said, “I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time.” She is still a client working with me today; she has taken brave steps toward health and wholeness, she made some significant changes in her life that were overdue, and today, she is confident, clear on the trajectory she wants for her life, and at peace. 

If you’re ready to come into your next season with clarity, purpose, and fulfillment, it’s your turn. I have coaching options curated to meet your needs and your season of life. All you have to do is email me at christi@perennialcoaching.com with the subject line “I’m ready to get up,” or click the button below. I’ll take it from there.

Come on in. Let’s journey together.