The Space Between Fear and Faith: Notes From an Enneagram 6
If the word “Enneagram” seems as mysterious to you as a map without a legend, you’re going to get a crash course with this blog entry! I want to share what it’s like inside my skin as an Enneagram 6—The Loyal Skeptic or The Questioner. My hope is that it’ll help you understand how this ancient tool can shine light on your own personality features, and how growing out of them—not identifying with them—is the goal.
The Enneagram is an ancient tool for self-awareness that outlines nine core personality types. Each one reflects a different way of seeing the world and trying to get their needs met. Learning your type isn’t about labeling you; it’s about helping you understand your patterns so you can move through life with more clarity, confidence, and grace.
I learned about this personality framework in 2017 by reading the book The Road Back to You by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile. After thinking I might be a Two (The Giver or The Helper), or a 9 (The Peacemaker or The Harmonizer), I finally understood that my motivations for helping others or keeping the peace centered around safety and security—the core concerns of a Type 6.
Practically, these are some of the ways this shows up for me:
Testing or closely observing authority figures, to find out if they’re trustworthy.
Over-communicating. By explaining everything that’s floating around my head, I am attempting to garner support (and possibly, to control the outcome.)
Seeking certainty. This might be in the form of planning ahead, establishing routines, or asking six of my friends what I should do when a situation stresses me.
Establishing a core group of friends. These are “my people,” ones I have learned to trust, over time.
Unproductive thinking. I’m prone to overthinking, future-forecasting, and imagining worst-case scenarios. I’ve lived and rehearsed a thousand scenarios on my mind that will never happen in real life.
Being slow to trust. I lead with skepticism. You have to prove your trustworthiness to me, and even then, I’m prone to questioning and doubt.
Self-doubt. I doubt myself every bit as much as I doubt others.
Leading with warmth. My underlying belief is, if I’m warm and friendly to you, then you won’t hurt me.
Loyalty to my close circles. This helps me feel safe in relationships.
Projection. I read people, intuitively, and then make judgments based on my observations. I get into trouble when I act on those beliefs (read: assumptions.)
Scanning for potential danger. This isn’t always about knowing where the exits are (though it can be)—it can happen in the context of relationships: She didn’t answer my text yet. I wonder if she’s mad at me that I didn’t go to her housewarming party.
*It’s worth noting that I am a Self-Preservation Six, one of three subtypes that is characterized by earning safety through warmth, relationships, routines, and preparation.
The lessons I’ve learned as a Six include:
I don’t have to ask my friends what they think. I can begin to develop my own sense of wisdom, discernment, and self-support.
Overcommunication can be exhausting to some other people. Not every thought is to be believed, and it certainly doesn’t all have to be said.
I can be loyal to my loved ones—this is good. But my loyalty doesn’t have to be a litmus test or a measure of worth—theirs or mine.
Something can scare me, but not be truly dangerous.
So much of what I fear won’t ever come to pass. I don’t have to believe my thoughts!
I don’t have to armor up or self-protect when it comes to other people. I am safe.
My work centers around developing self-trust.
Outsourcing my authority to others undermines my ability to trust myself, make choices that work for me, and gain self-confidence.
I can be spontaneous and flexible when changes occur—and I can communicate my needs around planning ahead and honoring my time.
I can sit with uncertainty! I can do hard things! I can expand my tolerance for uncertainty and build self-trust.
I can get out of my over-thinking mind by connecting with my body. This is a resource point.
My essential core can never be destroyed, not even if my worst case scenario happens.
I have what it takes to meet the challenges I will face. And when I get to the end of what I know, I can be led.
All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
The Enneagram has given me a lens—not a label—through which to see myself more clearly. Being a Six isn’t about being fearful or indecisive; it’s about learning to navigate uncertainty with courage, warmth, and self-trust.
If you want to learn more about your personality type through the lens of the Enneagram—and how it's affecting your life, work, and relationships—reach out to start the conversation. I promise you’ll gain clarity, uncover patterns you didn’t realize were shaping your choices, and discover practical ways to grow into your best self.
