Other People Can Be Tricky: Your Holiday Relationship Guide

As the holidays approach, amid the joy and magic of the season, we tend to wade even deeper into waters of family dynamics, partner squabbles, power struggles with kids, and tension points all around.

Both things are true: We love the traditions and the gatherings, AND we struggle with Aunt Judy's comments that may or may not be directed at my clothing choice, my weight, my side dish, or my decor.

Let me offer some little pearls of wisdom that I've picked up along the way to help ease these tension points and help you to have the best possible holiday season with your loved ones. *Please note that the sources of some of these phrases are varied, including Don Miguel Ruiz, Anne Lamott, and Mel Robbins, but the wisdom found within is universal.

Here they are: My TOP FIVE POCKET MANTRAS to help you get through the holidays with your joy and sanity intact:

1. Don't take it personally. Remember: It's not about you. Even if they make it about you, it's not about you. I promise. We get into trouble (and it only makes us miserable) when we take offense at things. And sometimes, we're wrong about what just happened, even if we think we know what just happened.

There's so much freedom in saying to yourself, "That was NOT about me," when someone says a snarky comment, rolls their eyes, or blows you off.


2. Don't make assumptions. Back to: sometimes we make assumptions on intent, tone, attitude, and agenda. Sometimes we're wrong. The result of assumptions can only be bad. Our brains think they're protective; they're not. They're destructive. I love Byron Katie's line here: Who would I be if I let go of the belief that my assumption is true?

3. Let adults be adults. When we stop trying to control others, we are free. In Mel Robbins' words, LET THEM. Let them pout. Let them step out of the room to recharge. Let them criticize your menu. Let them refuse to participate in your games. Let them show up late, AGAIN. Then decide what your next right step is for YOU. I promise, it won't include trying to change them.

4. Watch the self-talk. This little gem from Anne Lamott is one of my favs, as I have been working on my self-talk for years, and sure enough, it's malleable. Listen: you can't control the first thought that pops into your head. If your first thought after getting dressed and looking in the mirror is, "Look at that double chin," your SECOND thought is the one you grab. You direct that thought: "I love how this blue makes my eyes pop," or, "I feel so good in this material." It takes practice and consistency, but this is an area you can work on daily and you will see lovely results.

5. Take care of the basics. You can't show up as your best self if you're exhausted, hangry, or haven't slept in two days. You have to give yourself space in your time, energy, mental space, and emotional bandwidth if you want to be resourced enough to handle normal holiday stressors. I offer my clients a free tool that I created called the NOURISHED framework for Self-Care. It's a wonderful guide that serves as a checklist to make sure we're attending to the basics, shoring up the foundation from which we can show up in a way that we'll look back on with pride and pleasure. I've attached it to this email; I'd love to hear which of these come easier to you, and which could use some thoughtful intention.

I hope you have a truly magical holiday season with those you love. I'm looking forward to the weeks ahead with my family and friends as well. Happy holidays in all the ways you celebrate, and a Happy New Year to you and yours!

**If this resonated with you, please give me a like and follow on my socials. You can find me at Christi Engle - Perennial Coaching Services on Facebook and at Perennial Coaching Services on Instagram. If I can offer support in any way through your own holiday challenges, reach out via email (christi@perennialcoaching.com) and we'll chat.

Sending so much love,
Christi